Look for this title in Kindle, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook.
Will her heart’s last wish come true?
Miranda Lewis, future Valedictorian, doesn’t have time for cancer. Her final year of high school was hard enough to balance before plans for radiation therapy came into play. And when her well-meaning parents schedule the local pastor’s son to come and pray with her every morning before school, Miranda is at her wit’s end. But as her health worsens, Miranda looks into religious matters like life after death- just in case. After she collapses on the most important night of her senior year and lands in the hospital, her worst fears are realized. Miranda knows she must make a choice about what to believe about God. Before it’s too late.
Keep scrolling to read the first chapter of this book.
ONE
Monday, October 2
1:55 PM
“SOMETIMES I think about ending it all.”
The tips of Miranda’s ears grew warm as she slid to the edge of her seat to take Jaylen’s hand.
Student helpers were supposed to summon Mr. Shaw from the other room if a student admitted having suicidal thoughts, but it had taken Miranda most of the period to get Jaylen to open her mouth. They’d be back to square one if a teacher came in here.
Miranda tossed a wayward curl out of her face. “Do you really think that’s the answer? To end your life?”
Jaylen shrugged and pulled her hand away.
If Miranda called for Mr. Shaw, Jaylen would feel betrayed and embarrassed. As it was, only one of the girl’s eyes dared to peek out from behind a purple streak of hair. If Miranda really wanted to help this girl, it would have to be without the guidance counselor in the room.
“What about your parents? Your little sister? What do you think they would want?” Miranda leaned forward, neck muscles stiff.
Another shrug. “They might be better off without me.”
“No. That’s not true. They’d be devastated without you.” She ducked her head to lock gazes with the younger girl, hoping Jaylen couldn’t see the uncertainty shining through her gaze. “They say suicide doesn’t stop the pain. It just passes it off to someone else. Would you want your baby sister to carry the pain you’re feeling right now for the rest of her life? Could you do that to her?”
Jaylen shook her head.
Progress. Good. The knot in Miranda’s stomach softened.
“Do you think …” Jaylen’s hair fell forward, obscuring her face further. “Never mind.”
“It’s okay, what were you going to ask?”
“It’s stupid.”
Scooting closer, Miranda brightened her tone. “Hey, you’re not stupid, and your questions aren’t stupid. What do you want to know?”
Jaylen shifted in her seat and clasped her hands together. “Just … do you think there’s something after … you know … all of this?”
Miranda’s heart squeezed out a panicked rhythm. “Like an afterlife?”
The girl offered a small nod.
Chewing on her lip, Miranda organized her thoughts before answering. Members of the Natural Helpers club weren’t supposed to influence their peers’ religious beliefs, but if this girl thought for a moment the next life might provide something better than her sophomore year of high school, she might be tempted to do the unthinkable.
“Well, I guess I agree with Karl Marx when he said religion was the ‘opium of the people.’ It promises comforting thoughts, but its only purpose is to make you feel better about the situation you’re in. I think you and I are smart enough and strong enough to feel better without distorting the truth and deceiving ourselves, don’t you think?”
Jaylen’s one-eyed gaze didn’t look convinced.
“You know what I do when I feel down? I take a piece of paper and list everything I have to be grateful for—everything I have that makes life worth living.” A fib, but it was necessary to get Jaylen to do the exercise without feeling silly. “Why don’t we make a list for you to carry around in your pocket? That way when you start feeling this way, you can read it and remind yourself of everything you have going for you.”
She slid a half-sheet of scrap paper from Mr. Shaw’s tray across the desk and handed Jaylen a blue pen.
“What’s something that makes you smile?”
“My dog. Penny.”
“Perfect. Let’s write that down.”
Jaylen dabbed her eyelashes with a tissue and worked on her list. Once she had filled one side of the paper, Miranda held it up.
“Look at this.” She swiped her finger up and down the page. “All of this is worth living for. This is concrete proof you have a great life right here and now. Don’t you think?”
The sophomore smiled. “Yeah.”
Relief washed over Miranda as she stood and gave Jaylen a hug.
“I think you’re going to be okay. Why don’t you sit with me at lunch tomorrow? And here’s the number to my cell. Send me a text this afternoon so I have your number. You can reach out whenever your feelings get out of whack and you need someone to talk to. Even if it’s in the middle of the night, I’ll be there. I’m your friend. You’re not in this alone. Not anymore. Okay?”
“Okay.” Jaylen sniffed.
“I mean it. Promise you’ll call if you need to. I’m here to help with anything you need, whenever you need it. That’s what the Natural Helpers members are here for.”
Another smile. “I promise.”
“Good.”
Jaylen left, and Miranda plunked into the computer chair, pulled her hair into a ponytail, and checked the time on Mr. Shaw’s laptop. Her free period would be over soon, and she hadn’t written one word of her last college admission essay since she was pulled out of study hall to coax a crying Jaylen out of the bathroom. Now that that situation was under control, it was on to a student council meeting after school to finalize planning for the Fall Ball.
Mr. Shaw rapped on the door frame. “Hey. How did it go?”
Miranda flew to her feet and hooked her backpack strap over her shoulder. Bright sparks erupted at the corners of her vision, and she braced herself on the edge of the desk before she lost her balance.
“Whoa. You all right?”
“Yeah, just got up too fast.” Miranda blinked away the pinpricks of light. “Didn’t get much sleep last night. Lots of homework.” Plus two hours of texting with a freshman who was going through a rough breakup. She scanned her planner for the student council meeting agenda.
“How’d it go with Jaylen?”
“Fine. We did some positivity exercises, and I think she’s going to be okay.” Miranda didn’t make eye contact, hoping Mr. Shaw wouldn’t suspect she’d bent the Natural Helpers Code of Conduct for this extenuating circumstance. “Thanks for letting us use your office.”
“That’s what I’m here for. Anything you felt like you couldn’t handle?”
Miranda’s back grew rigid. Jaylen wouldn’t want the guidance counselor on her case. She’d be angry at Miranda for overreacting to her off-the-cuff comment about suicide. Besides, the kid was on the right track now. No need to make a big deal out of it. Jaylen was going to be okay. And Miranda would be on call twenty-four-seven in case anything went wrong.
“Nope. All good.”
“Super. You’re going to make a terrific guidance counselor one of these days.” He wiggled his bushy gray eyebrows.
“You mean environmental scientist.” Miranda shook her head, unable to keep the grin off her face.
“But who’s going to run this place when I retire if not the most selfless, caring, motivated member that’s ever belonged to the Natural Helpers club in a hundred years?”
“Nice try, but flattery isn’t going to work.” Her smile widened.
“All right, all right, well you can’t blame me for trying. Whatever you do, you’ll leave your mark on the world, Miranda, that’s for sure. You should be proud of yourself.”
“Thanks.”
As the final bell rang, she excused herself and headed for the library. Jason fell in step beside her. “Hey. You have a meeting today, right?”
“Yeah. Student council.” She twisted a red curl of hair around her pen. “Don’t forget you have French Club.”
“Oui, because French is the best language.” He gave her a playful nudge.
“I think you mean Latin.” She elbowed him in the side and giggled.
“Meet you after? We can do homework at my house and study for the calculus test.”
“’Kay.” She paused in front of the library door and pushed to her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. “Have fun. Love you.”
“You too. Oh, and by the way, I’m winning.” Jason dodged Miranda’s smack and sprinted across the hall to Madame Gregoire’s classroom to greet his friends.
Destiny popped out of the library and snatched Miranda’s arm. “I don’t get you two. How can you get along so well when you compete in everything?”
“We don’t compete in everything.”
“Well, this valedictorian thing is getting out of hand. He excuses himself from drama practice every Monday to check his class standing, you know.”
“I know, it’s so cute. But what he’s failed to calculate is that I only have to take two classes next semester to graduate, and he has to take six. Who’s going to have the better GPA at the end of spring semester when it counts?”
Destiny chewed on a fingernail. “Maybe you should tell him.”
“It’s better if he doesn’t know. His grades suffer when he doesn’t have a goal in mind.”
They returned Jason’s wave as he closed the door to the French room.
“He’s going to be devastated when he figures out he never had a shot.”
Miranda dismissed the comment with a flick of her wrist. “Nah, he won’t take it too hard. It’s all in fun. Valedictorian isn’t that much of an accomplishment, anyway. The important thing is college. I need to get into Brown, and that’s my focus. You know they admit less than seven percent of their applicants. And one of their essay prompts is terrible this year.”
“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” Destiny beckoned Miranda inside the library. “We’d better get moving. Your subjects await.”
Miranda laughed. “I’m the student body president, not the queen, you crazy lady.” She allowed herself to be pulled along to the back of the library.
“You’re not the queen yet.” Destiny leaned closer as they walked. “But if you think you and Jason aren’t going to be voted king and queen of the Fall Ball this year, you’re the crazy lady.”
Miranda put her hand over Destiny’s mouth. “Shh, don’t jinx it.”
Destiny giggled and pushed Miranda’s hand away. “Oh, and I have more good news for you. Callie calculated the yearbook votes today during her free period and you got Most Likely to Succeed!”
Her friend did an excited hop-dance as she latched onto Miranda’s forearm. “And I won for Prettiest Eyes.” She fluttered her lashes. “Too bad I won’t get Best Grade in English Class. Got a C on my stupid paper today.”
Miranda stopped short. “Wait. I thought you were going to send it to me to read it over before you handed it in.” She eyed Destiny. “That paper’s a third of your final grade.”
“I know. I was going to send it to you, but you’re so busy, I—”
“No, I’m never too busy for you. I would have read it over and given you some notes. You should have sent it to me.”
Destiny hung her head. “I know.”
“It’s okay, maybe we can ask Mr. Taylor to give you some extra credit work to make up for it. Let me talk to him. He likes me.” Destiny consented, and Miranda directed her attention to the student council members patiently waiting at the round table. She strode to an empty seat and cleared her throat.
“All right, everyone. The ball is coming up faster than we think, and I want it to be the best one we’ve ever had. What loose ends do we need to tie up?”
As she led the meeting, she checked her phone to make sure Jaylen had sent her a text. A smiley face from an unknown number sat in her unread messages. She discreetly sent a smile back and chomped her lip. Maybe she should have let Mr. Shaw know about the girl’s mention of suicide.
No. It was a meaningless comment anyone would spew when they were having a bad day, and Jaylen didn’t need more teachers on her case. Bad grades and teachers hounding her for late assignments were part of the girl’s problem in the first place. Having the guidance counselor constantly hovering would only serve to make things worse. Miranda knew what she was doing.
She tapped her foot as she scribbled a list of potential deejays to contact.
She was doing the right thing. She was smart and had a good head on her shoulders. The guidelines were there for the student helpers who didn’t know as much as she did. Miranda pretended to listen with interest to a council member’s suggestion about setting up a fall-themed photo booth. She wouldn’t tell Mr. Shaw about Jaylen’s comment, and everything was going to be okay. She checked her phone again. She just needed to let go of the doubts tickling the back of her mind and trust fully in her own abilities.